I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
