I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
