I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
