Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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