no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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