I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
