Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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