I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
