I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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