well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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