Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
