Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
