Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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