Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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