Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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