You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
