how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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