ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
