So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
