If i come over, it means nothing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
MIDGETS
????
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
