I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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