I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize