Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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