gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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