My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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