Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
