I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
