we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
