So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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