Already got asked if we're dating
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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