i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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