You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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