The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
