carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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