I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
