His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
