brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
