In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
