i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
