I got chris browned last night
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
