Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't deserve a penis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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