her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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