i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
