he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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