Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
