I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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