Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The adults are the big ones right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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