there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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