went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
