yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You are the jesus of drinking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
