trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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