Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
