Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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