do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
