She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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