As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hippo gnu deer
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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