his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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