Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
