You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
