If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
did you just send me my own nude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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