Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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