There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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