I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
